The Five Gamers
Real Men,
Thespians, Brains, Loonies, & Munchkins
Written
by Bryant Berggren, with Erol K. Bayburt and Bryce Berggren. Adapted from Real
Men, Real Roleplayers, Loonies, and Munchkins by Jeff Okamoto, Sandy
Petersen, Perry Caro, Chris Guthrie, Rick Heli, Robert Allen, Ken Kaufman, et
al.
Our Subjects
The Real Man
The tough macho type who walks up to the attacking
dragon and orders it to leave before he gets hurt.
The Thespian
The melodramatic type who writes novel-length
character histories and talks to every monster in the dungeon.
The Brain
The mad genius who actually manages to disarm the six
skull trap.
The Loony
The wild & crazy guy who will do anything for a
cheap laugh, including casting a fireball at ground zero.
The Munchkin
Need we say more?
Relationships
On Real
Men ...
- Real Men think they're
brothers in arms.
- Thespians hide behind
them.
- Brains consider them a
valuable resource.
- Loonies harass them with
stupid suggestions.
- Munchkins say ``I'm a
Real Man, too!''
On Thespians
...
- Real Men wish they would
stay out of the way when it's clobberin' time.
- Thespians sigh with
relief to know they're not alone, and then get their characters involved
in love affairs and death feuds.
- Brains mistake them for
Real Men, Loonies, or other Brains.
- Loonies harass them with
stupid suggestions.
- Munchkins say "I'm
a Thespian, too!"
On Brains
...
- Real Men protect them,
on the off-chance they may come up with something useful.
- Thespians do their best
to work in some dialogue between their "machine cycles".
- Brains form a
think-tank, to happily argue over every possibilty of action.
- Loonies harass them with
stupid suggestions.
- Munchkins say, "I'm
a Brain, too!" and then get lost when the Brain explains the plan.
On
Loonies ...
- Real Men ignore them.
- Thespians conscript them
as comic relief sidekicks.
- Brains sometimes annoy
them by taking a stupid suggestion and making it work.
- Loonies declare a pie
fight at 20 paces ... and cheat.
- Munchkins try to imitate
the jokes, and fall flat.
On
Munchkins ...
- Real Men attack them on
sight.
- Thespians embarrass them
in front of the NPCs.
- Brains treat them as
imitation disposable Real Men.
- Loonies make
reasonable-sounding suggestions that will get the Munchkin killed in an
amusing way.
- Munchkins ask,
"What's a Munchkin?"
General Information
Favorite
Fantasy RPG
- Real Men play Warhammer.
- Thespians play Ars
Magica.
- Brains play Rolemaster.
- Loonies play Toon.
- Munchkins play the
latest from T$R.
Favorite
Science Fiction RPG
- Real Men play Battlelords
of the 25th Century.
- Thespians play Star
Wars.
- Brains play Traveller.
- Loonies play a Spawn
of Fashan variant.
- Munchkins would play the
latest from T$R, but they don't stay in print long enough to buy.
Favorite
Horror/Occult RPG
- Real Men play Werewolf:
The Apocalypse.
- Thespians play Call
of Cthulhu.
- Brains play Bureau 13.
- Loonies play a distant Spawn
of Fashan variant.
- Munchkins play Ravenloft.
Favorite
Superheroic RPG
- Real Men play Champions:
The New Millenium.
- Thespians play DC
Heroes.
- Brains play Champions.
- Loonies play an
extremely distant Spawn of Fashan variant.
- Munchkins play Birthright.
Favorite
Post-Holocaust RPG
- Real Men play Twilight
2000.
- Thespians play Gamma
World.
- Brains play The
Morrow Project.
- Loonies play an
extremely unrecognizable Spawn of Fashan variant.
- Munchkins play Darksun.
Favorite
Cyberpunk RPG
- Real Men play Cyberpunk
2020
- Thespians play Shadowrun
- Brains play GURPS
Cyberpunk
- Loonies play a Spawn
of Fashan variant so variant it shouldn't be called "Spawn of Fashan"
anymore.
- Munchkins play Planescape.
Favorite
Silly RPG
- Real Men play Macho
Women With Guns.
- Thespians play Tales
of the Floating Vagabond.
- Brains play Ghostbusters,
International.
- Loonies make every
game silly.
- Munchkins don't like
silly RPGs.
Favorite
Generic System
- Real Men use the HERO
system.
- Thespians take a vote,
then ignore the mechanics.
- Brains use the GURPS
system.
- Loonies use the TWERPS
system.
- Munchkins use the AD&D
system.
Favorite
Metaversal System
- Real Men play Feng
Shui.
- Thespians play TORG.
- Brains play Fringeworthy.
- Loonies play Tales
from the Floating Vagabond.
- Munchkins play Spelljammer.
Favorite
Kind of Elves
- Real Men like J.R.R.
Tolkien's Noldor elves.
- Thespians like Shadowrun
elf posers.
- Brains like half-elves of
any kind.
- Loonies like Santa's
elves.
- Munchkins like storm
giants with pointed ears.
Favorite
Kind of Dwarves
- Real Men like Warhammer
Fantasy's Trollslayers.
- Thespians like Dragonlance
dwarves.
- Brains like Castle
Falkenstein dwarves.
- Loonies like the Seven
Dwarves
- Munchkins like earth
elementals with beards.
Favorite
Kind of Orks
- Real Men like Warhammer
Orks.
- Thespians like half-orcs
of any kind.
- Brains like Arduin
Uruk-Hai
- Loonies like Cyrano de
Bergerorc.
- Munchkins like Orcus.
Favorite
Food when Adventuring
- Real Men eat steaks,
preferably venison and bear they hunted themselves.
- Thespians eat gourmet
meals and get finicky when they can't get them.
- Brains eat iron rations
to supplement the roots and berries they gathered in the wilderness.
- Loonies eat Froot Loops
and Gummi Bears.
- Munchkins eat burgers,
fries, and milkshakes.
Favorite
Fantasy Author
- Real Men read Fritz
Lieber & Robert Howard.
- Thespians read David
Eddings & Terry Brooks.
- Brains read Ursula
Leguin & Robert Jordan.
- Loonies read Piers
Anthony & Robert Asprin.
- Munchkins read E. Gary
Gygax.
Favorite
Science Fiction Author
- Real Men read David
Drake and Gordon R. Dickson.
- Thespians read Lois
McMaster Bujold & Walter Jon Williams.
- Brains read Isaac Asimov
and Arthur C. Clarke.
- Loonies read Douglas
Adams and Phil Foglio.
- Munchkins read the Descent
documentation after they get stuck.
Favorite
Anime Features
- Real Men watch Demon
City Shinjuku and Riding Bean.
- Thespians watch Iczer-1
and 8-Man After.
- Brains watch Gundam
War and Aura Battler Dunbine.
- Loonies watch Ranma
1/2, then recommend Legend of the Overfiend to others.
- Munchkinswatch USA's
"Action Extreme Team".
Favorite
Gaming Magazine
- Real Men read Troll.
- Thespians read SHADIS.
- Brains read Pyramid.
- Loonies read Knights
of the Dinner Table.
- Munchkins read anything
by TSR.
Favorite
(Mundie) Magazine
- Real Men read Soldier
of Fortune and argue about whether the ads are real.
- Thespians read Newsweek
and argue about whether contriversial social issues can be used in gaming.
- Brains read Scientific
American and argue about the real state of social progress.
- Loonies read National
Lampoon and argue about how it's gone downhill.
- Munchkins read Archie
comics and argue about whether Betty's cuter than Veronica.
Favorite
Bar to Hang Out In
- Real Men hang out at the
Vulgar Unicorn.
- Thespians hang out at
Aces High.
- Brains hang out at
Renaissance coffeehouses.
- Loonies hang out at
Milliways.
- Munchkins hang out
wherever they don't get carded.
Favorite
Superhero
- Real Men like the Hulk
or Spawn.
- Thespians like Spiderman
or the Flash.
- Brains like Iron Man or
Batman.
- Loonies like the Tick or
Ambush Bug.
- Munchkins like Galactus
or the Composite Superman.
Favorite
Modern Weapon
- Real Men use .44 Magnums
and CAWS shotguns.
- Thespians use Walther
PPKs in snap holsters.
- Brains use Glocks (or
kit-bash zipguns).
- Loonies use water
pistols.
- Munchkins use
shoulder-mounted Nimitzes.
Favorite
Modern Action Hero
- Real Men like Arnold
Schwarzenegger.
- Thespians like Bruce
Willis.
- Brains like MacGyver.
- Loonies Loonies like
Bugs Bunny.
- Munchkins like the
Predator.
Favorite
Heartthrob / Sweetheart
- Real (Wo)Men like Brad
Pitt / Cindy Crawford.
- Thespians like Brendan
Frasier / Gillian Anderson.
- Brains like Liam Neeson
/ Jodie Foster.
- Loonies like Cosmo
Kramer / Judy Tenuta.
- Munchkins don't really
know about sex.
Favorite
Actor to play James Bond
- Real Men like Pierce
Brosnan.
- Thespians like Sean
Connery.
- Brains like to read the
books.
- Loonies like David
Niven.
- Munchkins like James
Bond, Jr.
Favorite
Card Game
- Real Men play Stud
Poker.
- Thespians play Baccarat.
- Brains play Bridge.
- Loonies play Fizzbin.
- Munchkins play Magic:
The Gathering.
Favorite
Music
- Real Men listen to
Metallica or Manowar.
- Thespians listen to
anything they can get their hands on.
- Brains listen to Mozart,
Beethoven, and Bach.
- Loonies listen to Weird
Al Yankovic.
- Munchkins watch MTV
Favorite
Convention Activity
- Real Men ogle miniatures
in the dealer's room.
- Thespians go to
seminars, and hold pickup games in their hotel rooms.
- Brains win the
convention tournaments, then go argue with game designers in the dealer's
room.
- Loonies play video games
and do hoax zines.
- Munchkins run around
shouting, cut in lines, and hit on the female gamers.
Favorite
Type of Dice
- Real Men roll d20s.
- Thespians roll 3d6.
- Brains roll d%.
- Loonies roll d30s, for
everything.
- Munchkins roll them all,
as much as possible.
Nobody
likes d4s. Not even Loonies.
Favorite
Attack Style
- Real Men shout a warcry,
and wade into battle.
- Thespians parry and
riposte while protecting their comrade's backs.
- Brains fall back and
regroup to plan a counterstrike.
- Loonies throw sword at
opponent, then attack with scabbard and lunchbox.
- Munchkins leap in with
secret 'twisted lotus' ninja decapitation strike.
Favorite
Way to Die
- Real Men: In battle,
with boots on, going down swinging.
- Thespians: Heroically
going to executioner's block, after lengthy dramatic farewell speech.
- Brains: Mysteriously,
with no body found, so as to leave an intriguing possibility of return.
- Loonies: Chased off a
cliff by naked women in football helmets.
- Munchkins: Die? You're
kidding, right?
Favorite
Castle
- Real Men: Castle Camelot
- Thespians: Castle
Perilous
- Brains: Castle Orthanc
- Loonies: White Castle
- Munchkins: Valhalla
(after kicking out previous occupants)
Favorite
TOON Character
- Real Men play
Carnivores.
- Thespians play
Herbivores.
- Brains play Humanoids.
- Loonies play Richard
Nixon.
- Munchkins attempt to
take advantage of loop-holes to build a powerful character.
Dungeons & Dragons
Capsule
Opinion
- Real Men play it for the
hit-point heavy characters.
- Thespians play it for
the sense of nostalgia.
- Brains play it for those
intricately devised trick dungeon modules.
- Loonies play it because
they know they can get everyone else to.
- Munchkins play it
because they don't know any other games.
Favorite
Published Setting
- Real Men adventure in Dark
Sun.
- Thespians adventure in Talislanta.
- Brains adventure in The
Forgotten Realms.
- Loonies adventure in the
world of Snarfquest
- Munchkins adventure
wherever has the most treasure.
Favorite
Dungeon Activity
- Real Men fight red
dragons.
- Thespians befriend the
goblins' slaves.
- Brains swap riddles with
sphinxes.
- Loonies tell dirty jokes
to green slime.
- Munchkins do whatever
gives them the most experience points.
Favorite
Melee Weapon
- Real Men wield bastard
swords and battleaxes.
- Thespians wield rapiers
and main-gauches.
- Brains wield staves,
clubs, and polearms.
- Loonies wield stage
knives.
- Munchkins wield whatever
gives the most plusses.
Favorite
Thrown Weapon
- Real Men throw spears.
- Thespians throw bolas.
- Brains throw knives.
- Loonies throw their
friends' magic items.
- Munchkins throw whatever
gives the most plusses.
Favorite
Missile Weapon
- Real Men shoot longbows.
- Thespians carry
arquebuses, so as to spend more time fooling with them than shooting.
- Brains shoot crossbows.
- Loonies shoot catapults
loaded with offal.
- Munchkins shoot whatever
gives the most plusses.
Favorite
Barroom Weapon
- Real Men use their bare
hands and whole tables.
- Thespians use the other
characters for cover.
- Brains use table legs
and chairs.
- Loonies use plastic
pepsi bottles or toothpaste.
- Munchkins use whatever
gives the most plusses.
Favorite
Improvised Thrown Weapons
- Real Men throw Munchkins
(can you blame them?)
- Thespians throw beer
mugs (when they can't take cover).
- Brains throw the beer
(to blind).
- Loonies throw Nerf
frisbees.
- Munchkins are too busy
running from the Real Men.
Favorite
Armor
- Real Men wear plate mail
(if they can't afford field plate).
- Thespians wear studded
leather (if they can't afford to go without).
- Brains wear leather (if
they can't afford elven chainmail).
- Loonies wear horse
barding (if they can't afford a horse).
- Munchkins wear Starship
Trooper powered armor (if they can't afford the invulnerable coat
of Arnd).
Favorite
Shield
- Real Men don't use
shields (can't wield a two-handed weapon)
- Thespians use bucklers.
- Brains use kite or
heater shields.
- Loonies use a panty
shield.
- Munchkins don't get the
previous joke.
Favorite
Mundane Mount
- Real Men ride heavy war
horses.
- Thespians ride palfreys
(with horse traits).
- Brains ride superbly
trained Lippenhanzers.
- Loonies ride sheep.
- Munchkins ride heavy war
tyrannosauri.
Favorite
Special Mount
- Real Men ride griffons.
- Thespians ride unicorns.
- Brains ride pegasi.
- Loonies ride special
sheep.
- Munchkins ride Sleipnir.
Favorite
Familiar
- Real Men have dogs. Big
dogs.
- Thespians have ravens or
black cats.
- Brains have owls and
ferrets.
- Loonies have slugs and
gully dwarves
- Munchkins have whatever
gives the most plusses.
Favorite
Specialist Mages
- Real Men play evokers or
transmuters (if they have to play a wizard).
- Thespians play diviners,
abjurers, and necromancers (because no one else will).
- Brains play conjurers
and illusionists.
- Loonies play wild mages.
Duh.
- Munchkins a
multi-classed abjurer / conjurer / diviner / enchanter / illusionist /
invoker / necromancer / transmuter.
Favorite
Wizard Spell
- Real Men cast fireball
and lightning bolt.
- Thespians cast cantrip
to impress primitives.
- Brains cast any detect
spell to stay forewarned.
- Loonies cast Otto's
irresistible nosepicking.
- Munchkins cast smite
ruler and transfer populace loyalties.
Favorite
Priest Spell
- Real Men cast call
lightning.
- Thespians cast commune.
- Brains cast heal.
- Loonies cast excommunication
on the other party members.
- Munchkins cast summon
deity.
Favorite
Psionic Discipline
- Real Men use body
weaponry
- Thespians use probability
travel.
- Brains use probe.
- Loonies use telephone
fraud.
- Munchkins use Scanners
style cranial detonation.
Favorite
Alignment
- Real Men are Lawful
Good.
- Thespians don't use
alignment.
- Brains are Neutral with
Good tendencies.
- Loonies are Amoral Silly
(oh, you meant the character ...).
- Munchkins are whatever
gives the most plusses.
Favorite
Religious-type Character
- Real Men play Paladins
- Thespians play Priests
of Specific Mythoi
- Brains multiclassed
Clerics
- Loonies play
Televangelists
- Munchkins play Demigods
Favorite
Non-Human PC
- Real Men play dwarves.
- Thespians play custom
races (like lizardmen or centaurs).
- Brains play elves.
- Loonies play a dwarf-elf
halfbreed.
- Munchkins play deities.
Favorite
Way of Extracting Information from the Goblins
- Real Men beat it out of
them.
- Thespians pretend to be
evil too, so they can pump them in conversation.
- Brains threaten to cast speak
with dead (think about it).
- Loonies tell bad puns to
them until they crack.
- Munchkins peek behind
the GM's shield.
Favorite
Demon/Devil
- Real Men like balrogs.
- Thespians like
Alu-Demons.
- Brains like Imps and
Quasits.
- Loonies like Spiro Agnew
- Munchkins like whatever
gives the most XP.
Favorite
Mythology
- Real Men like Norse
myths.
- Thespians like Celtic
myths (because of its connections to Arthurian legend)
- Brains like Greek myths.
- Loonies like
Scientology.
- Munchkins like their
past adventures.
Favorite
Norse Deity
- Real Men worship Thor
- Thespians worship Frey
- Brains worship Odin
- Loonies worship Olaf
& Lena
- Munchkins worship
whoever gives the most plusses.
Favorite Greek/Roman
Deity
- Real Men worship Mars or
Hercules
- Thespians worship Apollo
or Aphrodite
- Brains worship Athena or
Hermes
- Loonies worship George
Hamilton
- Munchkins worship
whoever gives the most plusses
Favorite
Forgotten Realms Deity
- Real Men worship Tyr and
Torm.
- Thespians worship
Ilmatar or Shar.
- Brains worship Ogmha or
Gond.
- Loonies worship
Elminster -- personally.
- Munchkins worship
whoever gives the most plusses.
Favorite
Greyhawk Deity
- Real Men worship
Heironeous or Hextor.
- Thespians worship
Olidammara or Trithereon.
- Brains worship St.
Cuthbert or Boccob.
- Loonies worship Zagyg.
- Munchkins worship Gary
Gygax.
Favorite
Miscellaneous Magic Item
- Real Men love Girdles of
Giant Strength.
- Thespians love the Bag
of Tricks.
- Brains love Heward's Handy
Haversack.
- Loonies love Pinochle
Decks of Many Things.
- Munchkins love the Hand
of Vecna or Iron Flasks with gods in them.
Favorite
Potion
- Real Men quaff potions
of giant strength or superheroism.
- Thespians quaff potions
of animal control or plant control.
- Brains quaff potions of healing
and longevity.
- Loonies quaff potions of
JELL-O.
- Munchkins quaff potions
of deity control.
Favorite
Ring
- Real Men wear rings of elemental
control
- Thespians wear rings of spell
turning or free action.
- Brains wear rings of regeneration
or invisibility.
- Loonies wear rings of smurf
control.
- Munchkins wear the One
Ring.
Favorite
Stick (Rod/Staff/Wand)
- Real Men use rods of
lordly might.
- Thespians use serpent
staves.
- Brains use staves of
the magi.
- Loonies use wands of
wonder, for everything.
- Munchkins use rods of
Orcus.
When they
encounter a sleeping dragon ...
- Real Men wake it up and then
attack it.
- Thespians sneak away
quietly.
- Brains stage a brilliant
ambush, and plan several escape routes.
- Loonies tie its
shoelaces together.
- Munchkins have their
34th-level thief backstab it with their +12 hackmaster, and then
put all its treasure in one backpack and walk away.
Favorite
Town Activity
- Real Men drink ale in
the tavern and start bar fights.
- Thespians drink wine in
the tavern and fish for the latest gossip.
- Brains drink small beer
in the tavern, then inspect the rooms for security.
- Loonies order watermelon
daquiris and start food fights.
- Munchkins ask
"What's a town?".
Science Fiction
Favorite
Science Fiction Weapon
- Real Men use blasters
and light sabers
- Thespians use archaic
weapons to be stylish.
- Brains use stun guns and
tangler grenades.
- Loonies use the
wiggly-rays and light grenades from Mom and Dad Save The Earth.
- Munchkins use whatever
gives the most plusses.
Favorite
Method of Handling Aliens
- Real Men drive off the
Bug-Eyed Monsters invading the Earth
- Thespians negotiate with
the refugees from the evil Empire
- Brains discover the
enigmatic enemies' biological Achilles heel.
- Loonies hitch a ride
with Vogons.
- Munchkins invade the
BEMs' home planet and enslave them all.
Favorite
Science Fiction Movie
- Real Men watch Independence
Day.
- Thespians watch Planet
of the Apes.
- Brains watch 2001: A
Space Odyssey.
- Loonies watch Mystery
Science Theatre 3000.
- Munchkins watch Sci-Fi
Channel Originals.
Everyone watches Star Wars.
Reason To Watch Star Wars
- Real Men watch it for
the light-saber duels and dogfights.
- Thespians watch it for
the Jedi philosophy.
- Brains watch it to
nitpick the science flaws like sound in space.
- Loonies watch it for the
Canteena aliens.
- Munchkins watch it to
learn the Darth Vader Neck Pinch (aka Force choke).
Favorite
Method of Space Travel
- Real Men use Bussard
Ramjets
- Thespians use hyperspace
drives.
- Brains use cryogenic sublight
ships.
- Loonies use the Infinite
Improbability Drive
- Munchkins push the
button and it goes.
Favorite
Monster
- Real Men like the
Predator.
- Thespians like the Thing
from Another Planet.
- Brains like the Moties.
- Loonies like the beach
ball from Dark Star.
- Munchkins like E.T.
Favorite
Variant Human
- Real Men play Heavy
Worlders
- Thespians play Belters.
- Brains play Gengineered
Humans.
- Loonies play Pleasure
Drones.
- Munchkins play rogue Paq
Protectors.
Call of Cthulhu
Capsule
Opinion
- Real Men love the
challenge of fighting the creatures.
- Thespians love the
challenge of reacting to the creatures.
- Brains love the
challenge of avoiding the creatures.
- Loonies love the
challenge of going insane as soon as possible.
- Munchkins think you
should be able to play Great Old Ones.
Favorite
Skill
- Real Men like Shotgun.
- Thespians like Mythos
Knowledge -- but just a touch.
- Brains like Library Use.
- Loonies like Head Butt.
- Munchkins like Credit
Rating.
Favorite
Spell
- Real Men don't believe
in magic
- Thespians believe in
magic, and know enough not to use it.
- Brains cast Elder Sign
- Loonies cast Summon
Smurf
- Munchkins cast Control
Cthulhu
Favorite
Monster
- Real Men like Deep Ones.
- Thespians don't like any
of them.
- Brains like Nightgaunts
(they don't kill you).
- Loonies like Masters of
the Universe Slime.
- Munchkins like Cthulhu,
for a pet.
Favorite
Type of Character to Play
- Real Men play Private
Investigators.
- Thespians play
Dilettantes.
- Brains play Professors
of Archaeology.
- Loonies play Red Indian
Sex Maniacs.
- Munchkins play
Magic-Users.
Paranoia
Capsule
Opinion
- Real Men think the
weapons are OK, but hate the background.
- Thespians think the
campaigns are too short.
- Brains think the game is
pointlessly deadly.
- Loonies think the game
isn't funny enough.
- Munchkins don't think
the game is supposed to be funny.
Favorite
Service Group
- Real Men like Armed
Forces.
- Thespians like CPU.
- Brains like Tech
Services.
- Loonies like R&D.
- Munchkins like IntSec.
Favorite
Secret Society
- Real Men like PURGE.
- Thespians like Free
Enterprise and Sierra Club.
- Brains like Anti-Mutant
and Frankenstein Destroyers.
- Loonies like Corpore
Metal and Mystics.
- Munchkins like Psion.
Favorite
Mutant Power
- Real Men like Adrenalin
Control.
- Thespians like
Hypersenses.
- Brains like Machine
Intuition.
- Loonies like Project
Total Chaos.
- Munchkins like
characters with the works.
Favorite
Weapon
- Real Men like cone
rifles.
- Thespians like laser
pistols.
- Brains like gear gleaned
from Outdoors.
- Loonies like chainsaws.
- Munchkins like Plasma
Generators.
Favorite
Target
- Real Men shoot Commie
Mutant Traitors.
- Thespians shoot the
Loyalty Officer to increase their survival chances.
- Brains shoot the
Munchkins' characters.
- Loonies shoot anything
fragile-looking.
- Munchkins shoot anything
in sight, starting with the other PCs.
Favorite
Mission
- Real Men like to hunt
down Commie Mutant Traitors.
- Thespians like to try to
survive the briefing.
- Brains like to explore
Outdoors.
- Loonies like to place
themselves under surveillance and report hourly.
- Munchkins like to attack
a rival Alpha Complex.
Champions
Capsule
Opinion
- Real Men think this is
how the world should be.
- Thespians think there's
too much combat.
- Brains think there's too
many bases to cover in character creation.
- Loonies think it's a
great system for simulating reality.
- Munchkins think starting
characters don't have enough points.
Favorite
Character Type
- Real Men like Bricks.
- Thespians like Brooding
Vigilantes.
- Brains like Gadgeteers.
- Loonies like Cream-Puff
Projectors.
- Munchkins like the
character suggestions in the "Powergamer" section.
Favorite
Power
- Real Men like Armor
- Thespians like
Telepathy.
- Brains like Telekinesis.
- Loonies like Instant
Change, Usable Against Others.
- Munchkins like all of
them at the campaign maximum.
Favorite
Attribute
- Real Men like STR 20+
- Thespians like PRE 20+
- Brains like DEX 20+
- Loonies like COM 20+
- Munchkins like SPD 20+
Favorite
Skill
- Real Men like Combat
Skill Levels, Martial Arts, and Weapon Familiarities.
- Thespians like Background
Skills of all kinds.
- Brains like Inventor,
Paramedic, and Breakfall.
- Loonies like
Ventriloquism and Sleight of Hand.
- Munchkins like Overall
Skill Levels, bought through a Focus.
Favorite
Talent
- Real Men like Combat
Sense and Defense Maneuver.
- Thespians like Absolute
Time, Bump of Direction, and Perfect Pitch
- Brains like Lightning
Calculator and Universal Translator
- Loonies like Immunity to
Alchohol.
- Munchkins like Find
Weakness, bought through Focus.
Favorite
Perk
- Real Men like Vehicles.
- Thespians like Contacts
-- lots of Contacts.
- Brains like Wealth and
Fringe Benefits.
- Loonies like Base,
concealed in George Washington's nostril at Mt. Rushmore.
- Munchkins like 4.5
billion Followers, bought through a Focus.
Favorite
Disadvantage
- Real Men like Enraged.
- Thespians like
Psychological Limitations.
- Brains like Hunteds.
- Loonies like Dependency
on Spinach Egg Noodles.
- Munchkins like
Reputation: Bad-Ass 14- extreme
Favorite
Power Limitation
- Real Men like Increased
END.
- Thespians like Incantations
and Gestures.
- Brains like Focus and
Requires Skill Roll.
- Loonies like No
Conscious Control.
- Munchkins like IIF,
Independent.
Favorite
Villain to Face
- Real Men want to defeat
Dr. Destroyer.
- Thespians want to defeat
Black Paladin.
- Brains want to defeat
Utility.
- Loonies want to defeat
Foxbat, at Aspen.
- Munchkins want to defeat
Tyrannon (all at once).
Favorite
Villain Team to Face
- Real Men want to defeat
Eurostar.
- Thespians want to defeat
the mind-controlled Protectors.
- Brains want to defeat
PSI.
- Loonies want to defeat
the Gweenies.
- Munchkins want to defeat
the other PCs.
Tactics
in Hostage Situations
- Real Men demonstrate
what'll happen to villians who injure hostages.
- Thespians engage in
tense negotiations to stall for time.
- Brains stage an illusion
of the hostages getting away.
- Loonies taunt the
villians.
- Munchkins waste the
villians with their 10d6 Autofire Armor-Piercing Ranged Killing Attack,
and use Regeneration Usable by Others to heal the injured bystanders.
GURPS
Capsule
Opinion
- Real Men
think there aren't enough combats.
- Thespians
think there aren't enough supplements.
- Brains
think there aren't enough sidebars.
- Loonies
think there aren't enough disadvantages.
- Munchkins
think there aren't enough hit points.
Favorite
Advantages
- Real Men
like Combat Reflexes, High Pain Threshold and Toughness.
- Thespians
like Charisma, Empathy, and Voice.
- Brains
like Lightning Calculator, Unfazeable, and Common Sense (not that they
need it).
- Loonies
like Luck, Absolute Timing and Unusual Background.
- Munchkins
like Magery 3, Patron (Superman), and PK (80).
Favorite
Disadvantages
- Real Men like Gigantism
and Berserk
- Thespians like Quirks.
- Brains like Age and
Pacifism
- Loonies like Odious
Personal Habits and Jinxed.
- Munchkins like Enemies
and Dependents (for the points).
Favorite
Skills
- Real Men
like Brawling, Two-Handed Sword, Broadsword and Shield.
- Thespians
like Acting, Bard, Diplomacy, Fast-Talk, Merchant, Savoir-Faire and
Streetwise.
- Brains
like as many as possible at 1/2 point apiece.
- Loonies
like to use all skills at a default level of 5.
- Munchkins
like Fast-Talk GM and Whine.
Favorite
Spell
- Real Men don't use
magic, but will let a mage cast Hawk Flight on them so they can pursue the
foe.
- Thespians cast Lend
Language on the strangers they meet.
- Brains use the
Improvised Magic rules.
- Loonies cast Mystic Mist
in the town square.
- Munchkins cast Enslave
on the city guard.
Favorite
Supplement
- Real Men like Horseclans,
Wild West, and Special Ops.
- Thespians like Mecha,
Horror, and Illuminati.
- Brains like Space,
Ultra-Tech, and Time Travel.
- Loonies like IOU
and Goblins.
- Munchkins like Fantasy,
Supers, and Autoduel -- in the same game.
Rewrite
Most Wanted
- Real Men want an update
for GURPS High Tech.
- Thespians want a real
GURPS Supers.
- Brains want a broader GURPS
Fantasy.
- Loonies want GURPS
Toon.
- Munchkins want GURPS
War of the Cthorr to include rules for Cthorr PCs.
Villains & Vigilantes
Capsule
Opinion
- Real Men
dislike the Superhero Code enforced by the government.
- Thespians
get bored playing themselves all the time.
- Brains
enjoy the implicit invitation to rewrite the rules.
- Loonies
try to represent themselves at their trials.
- Munchkins
are above the Superhero Code (aren't they?)
Favorite
Character Type
- Real Men play 600 pound
Bricks.
- Thespians play
telepaths.
- Brains play gadgeteers
- Loonies play insane
androids.
- Munchkins play alien
sorcerers.
Favorite
Power
- Real Men like
Invulnerability and Armor A.
- Thespians like Psionics.
- Brains like Armor B and
Animal Powers.
- Loonies like Mutant
Power.
- Munchkins like Power
Absorption.
Favorite
Ability Score
- Real Men like Endurance.
- Thespians like
Intelligence
- Brains like Inventor
points.
- Loonies like Charisma.
- Munchkins like Agility.
Favorite
Weakness
- Real Men like Mute.
- Thespians like Physical
Handicap.
- Brains like Reduced
Charisma
- Loonies like Psychosis.
- Munchkins What
weaknesses?
Favorite
Battle Tactics
- Real Men
pound villains into the ground or throw buses.
- Thespians
wear their opponents down before finishing them off.
- Brains
prey on their opponents' mandatory weakness.
- Loonies
dump a bucket of Cool Whip on a villain's head and talk about Planet of
the Apes.
- Munchkins
negate their friend's attacks so they get all the experience themselves.
Favorite
Combat Maneuver
- Real Men like the
Fastball Special.
- Thespians like to trick
villains into attacking each other instead of the heroes.
- Brains like to sneak
around and attack from surprise.
- Loonies like multiple
Back Attacks.
- Munchkins like multiple
Weakness Detection.
Favorite
Member of the Crushers
- Real Men like Mace.
- Thespians like Shocker.
- Brains like Marionette.
- Loonies like Mocker.
- Munchkins like Temper.
Favorite
Member of the Crusaders
- Real Men
like Enforcer.
- Thespians
like Dreamweaver.
- Brains
like Manta Man
- Loonies
like Blizzard.
- Munchkins
think the Crusaders are wimps.
DC Heroes
Capsule
Opinion
- Real Men can't believe
how underpowered all the weapons are.
- Thespians like the
explicit rules on and bonuses for running Subplots.
- Brains dislike the
abstracted mathematics.
- Loonies like the stats
for the Zoo Crew they downloaded from the 'Net.
- Munchkins can't believe
what a wimp Doomsday is.
Favorite
Attribute
- Real Men like STR.
- Thespians like INFL.
- Brains like INT.
- Loonies like SPIRIT.
- Munchkins like all of
them at 40 APs
Favorite
Power
- Real Men
like Invulnerability.
- Thespians
like Awareness.
- Brains
like Danger Sense.
- Loonies
like Dumb Luck.
- Munchkins
like all of them at 40 APs.
Favorite
Multi-Purpose Power
- Real Men like Force
Manipulation.
- Thespians like Sorcery.
- Brains like
Omni-Gadgets.
- Loonies like Omni-Arm
and Self-Linked Mutation.
- Munchkins already have
all the Powers at 40 APs.
Favorite
Skill
- Real Men
like Martial Arts and Weaponry(Exotic).
- Thespians
like Charisma and Occultism.
- Brains
like Scientist, Detective, and Gadgetry.
- Loonies
like Artist(Dancer) and Thief(Forgery).
- Munchkins
don't know why you'd want Skills when you can have Powers.
Favorite
Advantage
- Real Men
like Lightning Reflexes.
- Thespians
like Omni-Connection.
- Brains
like Scholar.
- Loonies
like the other PCs as Pets.
- Munchkins
like Buddy: Yuga Khan.
Favorite
Drawback
- Real Men like Mistrust
and Rage.
- Thespians like
Irrational Attractions and Traumatic Flashbacks.
- Brains like
Vulnerabilities and Secret ID.
- Loonies like Strange
Appearance and Psychological Instability.
- Munchkins never take
Drawbacks.
Favorite
Motivation
- Real Men like Seeking
Justice.
- Thespians like Unwanted
Power.
- Brains like Upholding
the Good.
- Loonies like Thrill of
Adventure.
- Munchkins don't take a
Motivation since there's no game effect.
Favorite
Subplot Type
- Real Men like Enemies
Subplots.
- Thespians like Romantic
Subplots.
- Brains like Power
Complication Subplots.
- Loonies like meddling
with other PCs' Subplots.
- Munchkins like Apotheosis
Subplots.
Shadowrun
Capsule
Opinion
- Real Men like the fact
that you can play a Troll with an ammo dump on its back.
- Thespians like the way
fantasy influences tinge the oppressive angst with optimism.
- Brains like the various
multiple levels of strategic challenges (combat, magic, decking).
- Loonies like the fashion
sense.
- Munchkins like the
small, easy-to-count numbers.
Favorite
Archtype
- Real Men
like Street Samurai and Mercenaries.
- Thespians
like Shamans and Detectives.
- Brains
like Deckers and Combat Mages.
- Loonies
like Rockers and Street Kids.
- Munchkins
like Insect Shamans.
Favorite
Race
- Real Men like Trolls.
- Thespians like Orcs.
- Brains like Elves.
- Loonies like Sasquatch.
- Munchkins like Free
Spirits.
Favorite
Gun
- Real Men like the Ares
Predator II with explosive ammunition.
- Thespians like the Ares
Viper with flechette ammunition.
- Brains like the Steyr
"kit gun" with standard ammunition.
- Loonies like the
Soakmaster 3000 with scented ammunition.
- Munchkins like the
Panther Assault Cannon with a 1000 round belt of APDS ammunition.
Favorite
Melee Weapon
- Real Men like Combat
Axes.
- Thespians like Katanas
- Brains like Shock Clubs.
- Loonies like
Monofilament shoelaces
- Munchkins like a
Monofilament whip in each finger.
Favorite
Cyberwear
- Real Men install
Cyberspurs and Dermal Armor.
- Thespians install as
little cyberwear as possible.
- Brains install
Datajacks, Encephalons, and Skillchips.
- Loonies install voice
amplifiers and video editors.
- Munchkins install
everything as Betaware.
Favorite
Bioware
- Real Men implant Adrenal
Pumps and Muscle Augmentation.
- Thespians implant
Tailored Pheremones.
- Brains Superthyroid
Glands and Cerebral Boosters.
- Loonies implant Toxin
Exhalers with garlic extract.
- Munchkins implant
everything as Betaware.
Favorite
Spell
- Real Men like Increased
Strength +4
- Thespians like Analyze
Item
- Brains like Personal
Combat Sense
- Loonies like Domestic
Renewal
- Munchkins like Control
Seattle.
Favorite
Lifestyle
- Real Men live Street.
- Thespians live Luxury
(if they can afford it).
- Brains live Medium.
- Loonies live Squatter.
- Munchkins don't have a
life outside the Run.
Favorite
Spirit
- Real Men
like Earth Elementals.
- Thespians
like Watchers.
- Brains
like Ally spirits.
- Loonies
like the Trolley-Car City Spirit.
- Munchkins
like Insect Spirits.
Favorite
Critter
- Real Men like Griffons
- Thespians like Dragons
- Brains like Vampires
- Loonies like Smurfs
- Munchkins like Greater
Dragons under Cybernetic Control Collars
Favorite
Activity
- Real Men
fight their way past the corporate stooges of Aztechnology.
- Thespians
negotiate fragile arrangements with local organized crime.
- Brains
create intricate strategies for cracking the ice on the Fuchi Star.
- Loonies
make deals with dragons.
- Munchkins
kill all the Big 10 CEOs and confiscate their stock.
Rifts
Capsule
Opinion
- Real Men
love the multitude of hardcore OCCs.
- Thespians
like the game setting and wish it was written deeper, not broader.
- Brains
hate having to keep up with all the supplementary material and bad
editing.
- Loonies
were responsible for the bad editing.
- Munchkins
love the fact that they can play Vampires and Dragons.
Favorite
(Human) O.C.C.
- Real Men play Full
Conversion Borgs, Headhunters, or Glitterboys.
- Thespians play
Cyber-Knights, Coalition Officers, or Rogue Scholars
- Brains play
Line-Walkers, Techno-Mages, or Wilderness Scouts
- Loonies play Juicers and
Crazies (duh!)
- Munchkins play Vampire
Juicers (in Glitterboy Armor)
Favorite
R.C.C.
- Real Men play Bursters
- Thespians play Dog-Boys
- Brains play Mind Melters
- Loonies play Teenage
Mutant Ninja Turtles
- Munchkins play Servants
of Splugorth (in Glitterboy Armor)
Favorite
Personal Weapon
- Real Men
like NG Ion Blasters and Pump Rifles.
- Thespians
like Pre-Rifts archaic weapons (because they're stylish).
- Brains
like variable-frequency lasers.
- Loonies
like the Wilks Laser Torch.
- Munchkins
like Glitterboy Boomguns.
Favorite
Heavy Weapon
- Real Men like Railguns
(especially Boomguns).
- Thespians like plasma
cannons.
- Brains like missiles.
- Loonies like the Wilks
Laser Torch.
- Munchkins like
shoulder-mounted adult dragons.
Favorite
Transportation
- Real Men use Robot
Armors.
- Thespians ride animals.
- Brains use four-wheel
drive vehicles.
- Loonies ride piggyback.
- Munchkins use Coalition
Death's Head Carriers.
Why they
fight the Coalition
- Real Men do it to prove
their manhood
- Thespians do it to make
a difference
- Brains do it because
"They said it can't be done".
- Loonies do it to wedgie
the Deadboys.
- Munchkins do it so they
can replace the Proseks.
Favorite
Geographic Zone
- Real Men
live in Germany/Northern Gun.
- Thespians
live in Chi-Town.
- Brains
live in Atlantis or the Vampire Kingdoms.
- Loonies
live in Waikiki Beach.
- Munchkins
live in Prosek's palace.
Star Trek: The Roleplaying Game
Capsule
Opinion
- Real Men like away team
action.
- Thespians like meeting
strange new life and new civilizations.
- Brains like coming up
with rubber science solutions.
- Loonies like conspiring
to get their shirts torn off in every adventure.
- Munchkins like all the
advantages being on a starship gives you over primitive planets.
Favorite
Branch
- Real Men
enter Security.
- Thespians
enter Command.
- Brains
enter Science.
- Loonies
enter Cooking.
- Munchkins
just give themselves all the skills.
Favorite
Skill
- Real Men like Personal
Combat, Unarmed.
- Thespians like
Negotiation.
- Brains like Sciences,
and as many as possible.
- Loonies like Carousing.
- Munchkins just give
themselves all the skills.
Favorite
Race
- Real Men
like Klingons.
- Thespians
like Tellarites.
- Brains
like Vulcans.
- Loonies
like Horta.
- Munchkins
like Romulans.
Favorite
Original Series Character
- Real Men like James T.
Kirk.
- Thespians like Dr.
McCoy.
- Brains like Mr. Spock.
- Loonies like the
Tribbles.
- Munchkins like Trelane.
Favorite
Next Generation Character
- Real Men like Worf.
- Thespians like Picard.
- Brains like Data.
- Loonies like Wesley (no,
really!).
- Munchkins like Q.
Favorite
Cliche
- Real Men:
"To boldly go where no man has gone before!"
- Thespians:
"Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations."
- Brains:
"It's life, but not as we know it."
- Loonies:
"You there, have you ever even kissed a girl?"
- Munchkins:
We come in peace, shoot to kill.
Favorite
Gear
- Real Men like Phasers.
- Thespians like
Communicators (and habitually mime the flip/tap).
- Brains like Tricorders.
- Loonies like Tribbles.
- Munchkins like
Redshirts.
TORG
Capsule
Opinion
- Real Men are ready for
any war, even one as wierd as this.
- Thespians are too busy
reading the campaign material to learn the rules.
- Brains love the planning
possibilities (no pun intended) of interacting card play.
- Loonies are waiting for
the cartoon reality cosm to land.
- Munchkins wonder where
the rules on becoming High Lord are.
Favorite
Cosms
- Real Men like Tharkold
and the Land Below.
- Thespians like Nippon
Tech and the Nile Empire.
- Brains like the
Cyberpapacy and Aysle.
- Loonies like Core Earth,
preferably their own home town.
- Munchkins like the Space
Gods realm, since it's the only place their shapeshifting Tharkoldu
ninja/mage/priest with psionic powers doesn't cause a contradiction.
Usual
Time to Spend a Possibility
- Real Men spend them to
reduce damage.
- Thespians spend them to
spark tales of Glory.
- Brains spend them to buy
new skills.
- Loonies spend them to
avoid contradiction with the Humor axiom.
- Munchkins want to spend
them on every action, and think the GM is holding back when they run out.
Favorite
Cards
- Real Men
like Adrenaline, Hero, and Action.
- Thespians
like Presence, Connection, and Drama.
- Brains
like Willpower, Supporter, and Awareness.
- Loonies
like the blank cards. You don't want to know what they put on them.
- Munchkins
like Glory cards, since they get to use so many more of them.
Favorite
Template (Core Earth)
- Real Men play Soldiers
of Fortune and National Heroes.
- Thespians play Doubting
Clerics and Tribal Shamans
- Brains play Covert
Operatives and Adventurous Scholars.
- Loonies play Inquisitive
Stalengers and Dilettantes.
- Munchkins play Delphi
Councilors.
Favorite
Template (Orrorsh)
- Real Men play
Shapeshifters and Regimental Soldiers.
- Thespians play Sacellum
Priests and Gaean Gypsies.
- Brains play Vampyre
Hunters and Gaean Swamis.
- Loonies play Victorian
Lunatics.
- Munchkins can't play in
Orrorsh -- they keep losing all their characters to the Power of
Corruption.
Favorite
Template (Aysle)
- Real Men
play Barbarian Warriors and Vikings.
- Thespians
play Knights and Elf Monks.
- Brains
play Curious Mages and Dwarven Engineers.
- Loonies
play Street Thieves and Giant Bruisers.
- Munchkins
play Dragons.
Favorite
Template (Nile Empire)
- Real Men play Amazons
and Tough Heroes.
- Thespians play Mystery
Men and Private Detectives.
- Brains play Gadget
Heroes and Mathematicians.
- Loonies play Annoying
Sidekicks.
- Munchkins play Egyptian
Gods.
Favorite
Template (Living Land)
- Real Men play Renegade
Eidenos.
- Thespians play Stalenger
Optants.
- Brains play Core Earth
characters.
- Loonies play Benthe if
they can get away with it.
- Munchkins play sentient
dinosaurs.
Favorite
Template (Nippon Tech)
- Real Men play Rijato
Armored Warriors.
- Thespians play Priests
of Palan.
- Brains play Disgruntled
Corporates.
- Loonies play Timmy from
the Gamera movies.
- Munchkins play Rijato
Armored Ninja CEOs.
Favorite
Template (Space Gods)
- Real Men play Lorbaat
Warriors.
- Thespians play Coar
Council Members.
- Brains play Akite
Bioengineers.
- Loonies play Akite
Bioengineering.
- Munchkins play the
Comaghaz Virus.
Favorite
Template (Tharkold)
- Real Men
play Race Soldiers.
- Thespians
play Demon Scholars.
- Brains
play Student Hackers.
- Loonies
play Renegade Infilitrators (with really atrocious Austrian accents).
- Munchkins
play Tharkoldu Princes.
Favorite
Subplot Cards
- Real Men like Nemesis.
- Thespians like Romance
(of course).
- Brains like Martyr,
because there's a point.
- Loonies like the
Campaign card, preferably tossed on another character.
- Munchkins don't
understand the concept of Subplot cards, but wasn't it neat when Joe
played the Martyr card so he's not a rival anymore?
And finally, the best characterization of the four
types of gamers ...
How to
Deal with a Dragon
- Real Men slay it.
Preferably alone and with bare hands.(is this a trick question or what?)
- Thespians talk to it.
Preferably at length, on any number of topics. (This has got to be a trick
question, right?)
- Brains trick it out of
its treasure, leaving the dragon (and the GM) thinking it got the better
deal.
- Loonies try to charm it
by scratching it behind the ears.
- Munchkins kill it, make
armor out of the hide, and then resurrect it as a familiar.
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